25 September 2015

Why We Aren't Engaged (Yet)

I don't know about your news feed, but mine always explodes in summer with marriage photographs, engagement announcements and a lot of baby news. There is this pressure that maybe I should be doing these things as well (??!?) so I wanted to remind myself of reasons why I, as in me - Fiona - personally, am not even engaged yet. Of all the pressure I feel as a young lady to be married with kids or whatever, the most pressure I feel is from young 10 year old Fiona who wanted 8 kids and to be married by yesterday.


You probably need some background on me, in case you didn't know already, I'm only 23. Nearly 23 and a half, but who is keeping track? I don't have my life together but I am in a long term relationship with my "high school sweetheart" (says literally everyone ever when I tell them we met in school and have been an item for just gone 6 and a half years)

I feel too young.

I know of people who have married young and that's great. I also know of people who married young, had a kid and a divorce and I was like - this feels like grown up territory. When my mum was my age, like precisely this time of year and everything as well, she was married and pregnant with perfect little me. That freaks me out so much. Babies are cute, I mean seriously, give me one to hold and a toddler to play games with and I will look like this is what I'm meant to be doing but I like it a lot more when I don't have to clean up and be responsible for one. We're getting off target, the point is, at 23 I've only really experienced like 30% of my life (if this is anything to go by), if this were a book we'd only be somewhere at the beginning of the rising action. I really don't want to sound like a fridge magnet, but, the best is probably still to come (it has to get better than post-teen acne, high car insurance rates and still working in retail, right?)

I can't even afford to get married.

When we went to New Zealand I kept saying to Matthew that we should just jump on a boat and elope because do you know how much weddings cost?! It's just one big hoo-hah party with a potential five digit price tag (or maybe more, or maybe less, it's different for everyone, isn't it?) We've kind of planned our wedding. It'll be a Hobbit themed wedding in February some year in the future. Don't ask how we're pulling something summery in the pits of winter off just yet though. Until we can afford it, it;s not really a problem.

And to extend on that one, you can bet I can't afford the honeymoon either.

It's starting to feel like money makes the world go round. I love to travel, and for a honeymoon I want to go to some faraway paradise. So that's more saving up required.

When I get engaged, I want to marry soon after.

I am a planner. When I do eventually get engaged, I want to have a short timeline of events and get married within a year or two of it happening. I'm definitely of the personality type - that is, so laid back I'm virtually horizontal - that if I don't set myself a target it will never be done and I don't want to be like Penny and Leonard from The Big Bang Theory that are always engaged but yet to marry. Long engagements are great, but I really want to change the name on my passport as soon as possible.

I want to have my own home first.

This is the bloody 10 year old in me who planned it with the precise order; own a home, get married, have kids. Like it's a list and this is the "right" order. That is why I go wild with my sims and they just marry after a day, or they have a kid or two then get married because it's not real. This one is so ridiculous when I think rationally, (hello, it's 2015) but I want to not be living with my parents when I finally get married. Ask me how close I am to moving out. The short answer is not very, give me a year or so.

Marriage won't change our relationship.

At 6 and a half years of being together, it's pretty solid to presume we're committed to each other. Yes, we were kids when we got together at 16 & 17, but we've always been pretty mature, grown together and are such a big part of each others lives. Not even in a soppy "oh my god you're eyes are stars and I live in their universe" kind of way. Matthew's literally my best friend and some of my favourite times are when we're just dicking about. We do plan the future around each other, essentially live together (more I somehow managed to sneak all my possessions over to his house and he was like, cool) and I'm not even joking, this summer with Matthew being away so long was the hardest I've missed someone in my life, in a pathetic, going-to-eat-three-cookies-for-lunch kind of way (massive respect for long distance relationships, those are mother-flipping hard). We're so comfortable and happy that all getting married would really change is my surname (and then I'd lose all the pun based Dunn jokes, gotta love them)

Many things made me write this post. Mainly, I know how fun lifestyle-type posts and insights like these are, yes give me the scoop on your life. So I thought I'd just let you get a little glimpse of us nerds in, hopefully, the least vomity way I could. Of course I feel open and scared in case people confront me, but what can you do? 

12 comments:

  1. I find it interesting that the wedding itself is such a big part of the consideration for you. I'm in a similar position like you, only a bit younger (21) and have been with my "high school sweetheart" for almost 5 years. When I think about getting married, I think of the married life rather than the wedding. Probably because I don't really care for the huge party part, and I would preferably have my reception at home (and save a fortune in the process). I never understood why weddings should be so expensive, so mine will probably be as low-budget as possible, ha.

    That being said, like you, I don't want to do a long engagement period. Right now I live two hours away from my boyfriend, so until we're actually in closer proximity, marriage definitely isn't happening. But I do know that even though I'm only 30% through my life, I want to experience the rest of it with him ^_^

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    1. I don't even want that big a wedding and will probably go low budget, I would be happy to elope but it's important for my boyfriend to have his family there. I have freaked myself wout with the 30% thing, but me too, it's crazy.

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  2. Such wise words! I've just got engaged at the grand old age of 34 and for me this is the perfect time. I feel old enough and completely ready, 10 years ago I definitely wasn't. I'm glad I had my 20s to enjoy being young x

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    1. I saw! congrats by the way (I can't remember if I said it or not) but yeah, I feel I need these years to stumble through life outside of a school establishment and just figure out what its like to have responsibilities and be grown up

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  3. I think it's great that you are self aware enough to know that you WANT to wait. I feel like in so many cases, the idea of being wedded is shoved down peoples/couples throats, especially when you've been together for awhile and some couples just get sucked along into it. My views on a marriage are a bit different I suppose in that I don't really have any desire to be married. I've been with my guy for seven years (almost eight!), we have a kiddo (whom we planned) together and we are pretty hunky dory all things considered. Neither one of us has a huge desire to be married, nor do we want to spend the money on it! But we are still constantly asked when it's going to happen. But for now, we'll stick with what's making us happy. I hope you do the same - what's best for you two is what's important! :)

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    1. <3 I love your story. I can definitely feel myself growing because when I was a kid I was like, there is no way I'm having a kid out of wedlock (like, where the hell did that idea come from) and now marriage is one of those things where I feel like I'll get there when I get there, when the time is right. And that's the same for kids too, I really can't give a kid all it needs at the minute and I'm learning that there isn't a particular order to anything

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  4. I'm in a similar boat so I feel you! I'm 24 and live with my boyfriend, our 5 year mark is next month. People are always asking when we're going to get married. I mean, why does it even matter? People judge others when they get married young, now I'm being judged because I haven't gotten married yet, it's lame hahah. Also we can't afford it either =P

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    1. It's mad isn't it? I know people my age who are married and everyone is like O_O but then they'll also be like "I hear wedding bells" to people the same age who're in long term relationships. Like, bro. Yeah, people are so weird like that

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  5. It is great when you want to wait Fiona!

    Although, my relationship was most certainly different. We met when we were both the tender age of 22 and only 9 months later we were married. We didn't have a fancy wedding or even a fancy honeymoon. We were in Japan and could't ask our families to come out there to be there. So we went to the court house and 9 years and 1 child later we are still together. :P

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    1. I love that! Part of me wishes we did this but in New Zealand, it's quite the story!

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  6. I love your style of writing Fiona, it's so honest and funny!

    Seeing as you've asked for the scoop on your readers life you might like to know that I'm more than a decade older than you (34 to be precise) and although I've been with my lovely fella for 11 years there's no wedding on the horizon for us (or kids for that matter!!) This puzzles a lot married people we meet and many of them try and convince us that their lifestyle is so amazing that we're bound to embrace it one day. There seems to be this assumption in society that you will be happier (and dare I say it, morally superior) if you get married.

    Truth is, we're more than happy just the way we are, we do have a house but we haven't spent a lot of money on it, we prefer to spend our hard earned cash on holidays! I actually feel like we've already got a marriage, we've just not had a wedding day.

    Don't get me wrong, I LOVE weddings and if we do feel like throwing a massive party to celebrate our relationship one day then we will but it will be because we've decided that it's right for us and not because society says 'it's about time he made an honest woman of me!'.

    Rachel - www.lifeingeordieland.com

    x

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    1. YES! I keep thinking about weddings for when I'm older, but part of me would rather spend that money on holidays and a house too. Saving money is hard enough, and I know people who are getting married soon and couldn't even invite everyone they wanted since it's so expensive to feed everyone and the venue etc etc.

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