14 January 2015

What Not to Do as an Evil Villain

Ah Disney, if it has taught me anything through my life it has shown me the downfalls of great villains who did really dumb things and became their own worst enemy. We can learn from their mistakes and become the greatest villains of all time. If we wanted to.

1. DO NOT sing about how successful your plan is going, just in case anyone over hears you, listens to the lyrics and understands how your plan is unfolding so they know what to do to stop you.



2. DO NOT drive like a maniac. Safety first.


3. DO NOT escape up a mountain. Now where do you think you're going?


4. DO NOT follow your kill out of the window. What don't these villains get about high places and falling from them?


5. DO NOT take matters in to your own hands. Didn't you get the villain starter up kit? It's all about the disposable henchmen doing the work.


6. DO NOT underestimate cats. They'll have you.


7. DO NOT burn down half a city when overcome with lust. It's a bit obvious, people catch on and they really won't like you as much.


8. DO NOT gloat and laugh evilly for 11 seconds in order to let the hero turn things around. You have them pinned. You could have taken her.


9. DO NOT make spur of the moment decisions. Take the place of the person you control and go from being the master to having a master? Where do I sign?


10. DO NOT tempt the fates. You've been told your plan won't work so what do you do? Carry on with the plan? Good call.


11. DO NOT design something that is bigger and smarter than you. Something that can think for itself and learn too. What could possibly go wrong?


12. DO NOT state someone is dead in order to claim the throne until they actually are dead. Rookie mistake. Finish the job, then nothing could possibly come back to bite you in the ass later.


13. DO NOT confess to the murder of the King to his only son BEFORE killing him. Like, murder and treason are probably those sort of things you should take to the grave with you really. Definitely shouldn't blab it to the true heir.



14. DO NOT confess the crime - EVER. It really does ruin everything.


There's more, I'm sure. What else have you learnt not to do thanks to villains?

18 comments:

  1. Haha, all so true. I never understood Scar especially. Why the hell would you confess that?? Just for funsies?? Seriously...

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    1. Exactly? Especially when things are finally going your way (the next heir is about to fall to his death meaning Scar WOULD be King), it's a no-brainer

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  2. What a fun article! I think Han was our villain that came closest to doing things right -he made people trust him (polite with just the perfect amount of charisma), showed he "cared" for others, and didn't initially come across as self-centered (Gaston), evil (you name them), or fear-inducing (e.g. Mother Gothel).

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    1. YEAH! I had a bad feeling when i first watched Frozen but then he was being so nice so I let my guard down a little. He needed to get his hands dirty and his plan would have succeeded.

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  3. LOL I love this list! It's hilarious when you think about all the way these villains just foil themselves!

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    1. They really don't give themselves a chance, haha!

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  4. Hahah this post is so funny! It's made me want to sit and watch loads of Disney films now tho! :)

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    1. I watched all of the villains defeats on YouTube instead of watching all the films, but I am itching for a Disney marathon

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  5. Hahaha, this is so true. #13 is the most 'what the heck' worthy!

    Best wishes, Danielle xo
    www.underlandtowonderland.com

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  6. Number 6 for the win! My parent's cat could take me; I know she could!

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    1. Luckily mine is too lazy, but if he put his mind to it (and when the other one grows up a bit) they could rule the house!

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  7. OMG this is AMAZING and I'm so glad your first picture was from the Little Mermaid because that is the best Disney film EVER!

    I'm pretty sure if I was an Evil Genius though I would sing about it (Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog has just sprung to mind!) because life should be one big awesome musical!

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    1. Right! I was watching The Little Mermaid and when she started singing I was like... Wait, surely this is a mistake? It would be very hard to resist singing although all of my renditions would sound like Buddy the Elf's singing commentary more than catchy musical numbers

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  8. This was HILARIOUS!!!! It totally made my day!

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  9. Fiona this is so dangerous. You're telling all future villains how to win.

    (Thoroughly enjoyed this. LOVE Villains and <3 Disney. Great combo!)

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    1. Haha thank you :) It's okay! I haven't yet met a Disney villain who does a google search for their answers (although that would be an excellent modern fairytale for sure)

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